How to really self-care
WRITTEN by DR CHINWE
Self-care. Self-love—these are can seem like some kind of distant treasure...something we’re always chasing. But here’s what I’ve figured out: real self-love isn’t necessarily about doing anything new, buying another spa day, or shopping on shoes to make you feel better.
Real self-love is about working on old counterproductive habits and tearing down those barriers we have unknowingly built over time which stops us from truly enhancing our life experiences.
Here are some “habits” that may be holding you back from experiencing true love for yourself:
Setting Unrealistic Goals: When you set goals that are way too high, you’re basically setting yourself up to fail, which just invites self-criticism. You end up spiraling, feeling not good enough when you inevitably don’t accomplish those goals. We are all familiar with setting “SMART” goals at work. But when you set personal goals, do you use the same proven framework to give yourself a chance to succeed with them? Are your personal goals Sustainable, Measurable, Realistic, Achievable and Time-framed?
Self-Punishment: We have all been there. We feel that we could have done better, we are disappointed we didn’t do well at a task/job. But many of us respond to those times of failure with self-punishment. A classic example is when people say they overeat or binge drink when they feel low or upset. And we all do this in one way or another. Sometimes we do it with our word to ourselves, and punish ourselves for not being perfect. Now, next time you feel low, instead of punishing yourself with a bowl of ice cream you know you’ll regret later, reward and uplift yourself with an activity like a spa day, for example. The point is that you should not kick yourself when you are already down.
Silencing the Inner Critic: That inner critic saying, “You’re a loser!” “You’re not good enough” “Are you sure you can do this?”- that voice needs to be silenced. You should also know that quieting it isn’t enough. It’s very important to replace it with a kinder more positive voice that’s encouraging and kind. Think of it this way, If you fell and broke your leg, you’d stop, check the damage, get help, and take care of it until it healed. The same goes for your mental health and emotions. When you’re feeling down or hurt, acknowledge your pain, figure out why you’re feeling that way, talk it over with someone if possible and do/say things for yourself that bring you comfort, not more harm.
That’s what real self-love looks like. It’s not just about being kind to yourself when everything’s great but also taking extra care of yourself when times are tough. It’s about being your own best friend, nurturing your spirit, and breaking down those barriers to embrace the love you truly deserve.
